.addicted.

i want more and more and more of shaikh~ *giggles* i want more of your "i-don't-want" and "im-scared" ...heh~ i larveeeeee youuuuussss.

*brownsugar* rant at Wednesday, January 26, 2005 .

I MISS AARON,NUFAIL,ABEEN,ADAM,KAKAK SHEEN.*sadness* and shaikh too of course.ive been werkin.heyyy werk's all good.just freakin tirin.and tha crowd im werkin wit.pretty co-operative and funnn.weeeee~

well,i miss hanging wit nufail and abeen.i really really do balls.

this weeekend when aaron book out,i didnt even get a glimpse of him.i really really miss him.that boy-who-hugs-people-with-one-arm. and you still have ma livestrong mofo.u better not lose it.aunty gave it to meh~ i misses you so damn much. please please wel'll meet up soon okek. <3>

nufail.i wanna chill2 wit you lah balls.hai~ bitching wit you and abeen was like great fun.i hope you're out of yer handphone-traumatic-experience.heh~ well baby i love you.i think we'll be seeing you today i hope.me,you,abeen,shaikh and umm u know who.*cant mention* and nufail,ive got what you've been wanting... *smiles gleeefully*

abeen,thanksies fo accompanying meh frm werk to home.i larvvvveeee youuuussss. and well we'll meet up soon okek. but this time u can irritate shaikh~ heh~ and he cut his hair again.by himself.haha.i love you.sincerely from tha heart.

adamsies..well well what can i say bout this boy.heh~ hello mr john lim.pleasedto meet you.

to kakak and yana and nooris.thanksies fo takin care of ma brother and nooris is hot hot hot.heh~ *smiles*

joyyy..! weeee~ when can syaf go out.haha.well well, ill see yer ard okek marrrriiaaaamariiaaaaaa.heh~ i miss goin out with you lah~ tho we're not that close.smtimes it's a freakin joy seeeing youuuuuuu.haha.i cannot explain lah~ just freakinnn ajoyyyyyyy..! weeeee~ when can syaf go out... marrrri aaa loves bobbieeee. <3

at ferst i was thinkin maybe im in tha wrong fo tellin and then i think again.if i dunt feel bad telling tha truth why shud i be wasting ma freakin time feelin like this. guilt. ive talked thangs over.well, he said.at least i have a mind of ma own,which is true.well you have been ther for me before,havent you...? *thinks hard* waiiittttt,maybe nottt. i can't find even a single time. you've only hurt tha people i actually love before.so im sorry, i dunt ffeeeelll guilt or confused or anythang anymore.if u didnt do anythang wrong, why are you so scared.huh.

well.werk's great.never had ma job in tha morn.gues nx week.ma schedule surely in tha morn.it's freakin tirin lah but tha job's fun lah~ really.i swear esp wit adam,setan,xin yie,xiao yun and that stupid jovian ard.haha.adam is hot hot.heh~ but nahh,not ma type lah. but hes hot lah. maybe umm nufail or sab wants...go to ma werkplace lah~ heh~ . he's actually islam lah~ but i freakin dunnoe why his name adam tan.he's mixed.mum malay dad chinese.freaky eye colour lah balls.malay and ferst guy who actually spoke english to me.real english.heh~ stupid mofo.he and his stupds lame jokes.and please,yer hair.that ang-moh guy who said your hair style must be farrrkiiiingggg BLIND. and please.change yer shirt and pants.did you even bathe.gawd.sheesh~ and strawberrry lotion's not fo you.ull be smelling like a gurl.ewww.

i wannn afternoon shift!!!!!! *sobs*

*brownsugar* rant at Monday, January 24, 2005 .

Let it die
and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear
Don't you wish that
we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away
And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

*brownsugar* rant at Tuesday, January 18, 2005 .

well.heh~ went fo tha spore-indonesia match at kallang stadium.tha weather was perfect. a lil chilly. wada's dad fren drove us there.his brother with cap-stuck-on-his-head-all-the-time-and-specs-which-looks-really-cute-on-him and hamdani had to take public transportation there.haha.those poor little boys.dahlah hamdani "tempang"..injured..haha.well.hamdani just like walked straight from wada's hse..i think he didnt like noticed me.haha.maybe tak recognise.he'd prob think saper ntah budak giler nie duer.haha.and i asked him how his leg was and he was sooo malu.i don't even know if he knows who he's talking to sia~probably...aiyoh.wada's bro even werse..malu like mad.ive neva talked to tha bro before.im so scared he'll run away..prob ryte..cuz smtimes i can be too intimidating.haha.nevertheless,i got to know that hamdani is soooo bising.com. ma gawd.he was screamin..spouting nonsense.madness sia~ haha....i met hadi before tha game to pass me tha tix.ther were complications before that.gawd.haha. saw nad..she was waitin fo wiyah..wanted to shop at bedok.so i guess wanted to buy stuffs lah~. kallang's atmosphere was like woooooaaahhhh.seriously, it was all red...and white.. me,d.a and wada wore green.wat mofos ryte.haha. tha ferst score was like abt 5-10 mins of tha game.nice goal.after that all tha lions did this impersonation of lil cubs..sooo cute..they were crawling..it's sooo cute.that was like freakin cute.tho im not a big fan of soccer or watsoever.that thang was darn cute lah. =) well.they always do that "buto thang" and the "never ending kallang wave" and tha "referee kayu".haha so cute lah singaporeans. and they were cheering like madness.haha it was all good fun lah~ thanks fer tha tix hadi.=) tha jam on tha way home was hell.gawd. but todae was like reallly fun.wit ma fav gurlfriends.heh~ those mofos,wada and d.a. i shud spend more time on poeple my kinda standard.haha.i think im gonna do that lah.

dope was like nice.i think.he's always been nice.sucha sweetheart to meh~ i was tellin him bout why i was kinda a lil fucked up.and he called me a few times int ha afternoon after tha msg,but rejected cuz i didnt feel like talkin at all.well,sorry aight bout tha reject-call shit.heh~ tho ure irritating, i still <3>

im just not contented.i dunnoe why.sometimes i do feel bad cuz others dunt get tha luxurious life i get but then again,smtimes poeple who you know kinda don't werk their ass off get things realll easily.i guess it's true wat they mean...people who are born wit silver spoon in their mouth are realllly lucky.haha. even in situations,they'll always be stable even tho they didnt werk their arse off as much as others.
now...im beginning to see tha whole picture puzzle put together...

*brownsugar* rant at Monday, January 17, 2005 .

i went to make ma IC and collect ma passport.im soo happy.weeee~

ummm.anyway i wanan thank mama,papa,aunty,abeen and kakak.not fergettin han fo helpin ma family alonggg tha way.i realll owe it to you guys.i really do. i appreciate it.ill return it back someday...thanksies~..

went to aaron's crib to chill out.happenin lah tha house.i love tha red hot car..it's sooo freakin cute.didnt get a chance to go into it.haha.i tried aaron's jeans.ma gawd.they're soooooo comfortable...sheesh.and i look like skater gurl.haha but i larve tha jeans lah~ .... aaron should get MCs more often okek.? hmmm.

met mai and adam afta...chill2 a lil while at syed's.and tha toilet is much cleaner.wow.*gasp* and 4 peeps shared samprongs.wtf.haha.

and aaron,that bite of yers wassss sooooo disgusting.i bet it's still as gross as it is before.ewwww.

and i just got punked by tha motherfucker adam shah.but i still love you.wat an arsehole.he called me sayin wat nonsense lah...wat..do you have a bf lah~ wat lah..by some unknown num.arsehole.it turned out to be adeq's num. and then he said..u dah luperkan i.fuck you lah adam.haha.u meanie lah~ i was laughing ma arse off.he was like i like yer laugh..so cute..turns me on lah wat lah~ shithead.fucker.i cant trust you anymore after that david-beckhams-got-aids-shit. arsehole..ughhhh.i cant believed u tricked me like that.ughhh..but i was like u sound like ma fren adam..ouh i am yer fren adam.ugh,....i was like okek.thanksies u arsehole.i thot which fucker would do that.but i was touched.cuz he was havin this marathon.callin up all his fren cuz he misses themand he remembered me.i was like awwww.they dont miss you lah adam shah.heh~ nolah..i do miss you.i was just sayin wher can this adam boy be.haha... we'll meet up soon okek.all of us always freakin busy.thats why.well.i still love you and mai.arsehole lah you..ughhh!!!! *screams* ill get u some day adam shah.*warns*

*brownsugar* rant at Friday, January 14, 2005 .

im not exactly goin thru tha best phase in ma life ryte now..haha.soo yeah im tryna do ma best to u know.mend that broken smile to make evryone happy.i wannn abeen and kakak and han to play wit ma hair.i wan to chill2 at tha back room.LMAO-ing wit abeen and kakak.im so freakin lonely sia.:( and i really have nothing to do here.

i miss yamakasi.tho it'll neva be tha same,i really love all of you.seriously.time heals all wounds but it'll always leave a scar.i love nufail.thank you fo bein ther for me.aaron,you know soo much abt us yet we know sooo little bout you. but all those days wit yer were damn grec lah.hope ull get more MCs.weee~ adam and mai...we miss you lah..haha.aiyer.~

fera is one of tha most nicest thang on earth man.shee's realll beautiful inside out.sheesh~ babe,i larveeee you.. and audrey..i havent seeen you fer pretty long eyyy...

ma sec skewl frens.most of them i think are freakin busy wit their freakin daily shits lah~ and i miss alice also.hai~ they're all busy werkin lah..earn dough watt.haha.i did werk fo a day but freakin quit right after.wat an arse ryte.shit mang.it's okek lah~ we'll meet up soon aight gurlfrens and boyfrens.eee.so gay sia.

*brownsugar* rant at Friday, January 14, 2005 .

had tha most best new year's celebration wit abeen,aunty,dee,aunty aisha,uncle lan,naz and his gf,sheens and yana senama.i love you guys to bits.

new year's eve..heh~ since it's ma babyy's birthday..spent tha afternoon wit him.bought him levi's boxers.it's damn nice to meh~ heh~ and ummm made him this slash tshirt thang ah.which i think is okek.thank you to that "fren" who helped me.didnt buy him cake or wateva.he gave me his leftover cake.his family so sweet.he was pretty touched i guess.then ma baby had to go home fo some dinner thang.and i went to meet kittie and abeen.i miss them sooo blardee muchhh.umm we sit down chill2 at coffee bean.then aunty came to pick us up.we're supposed to spend new year wit em all.so went to send nufail home."( she couldnt join us..and aunty lend me her skirt.wit dee's black converse shoes.drove to warehouse..it wasnt happenin at ferst..but it got pretty happenin latta on.haha.popped champagne and all and vodka cranberry pretty happenin lah~.
climax:four cute guys.saw ma ex-bf reza and abeen's ex-bf mac.he's sooo buff now.sheesh~. okok back to climax,umm this HOTTTTT eurasian guy DINO came up..hah~ eyy he did ask me if i wanted to drink okek.wow.heh~ and he's freakin hot..i was like "hellooo gorgeous" but i do have limits. then where to put shaikh? in tha pocket?... soo we bumped a few times into him.got this bangla guy chase us.haha scawiee sia fuck.umm back to dino,gorgeous gorgeous. he asked me to dance wit him and i tagged sab along..heh~ see im nice ryteee..and it was damnnn grec how me and abeen danced lah~ i love youuuuuuu abeeennnnn..heh~ we'll have more fun when we turn 18..evrythang's legal..heh~ weeeee~ and then went to chinablack..EWWW,bodybuilders dancin their arse off is definitely a good sight.gawd..went back to dee's at ard umm 7? wash up and off to bed.wait toilet another happenin part..naked guys calender.how nice..*yummy*

*brownsugar* rant at Saturday, January 01, 2005 .