YFebruary 15, 2007
im at home bored.supposed to at least make notes for exams but, im too distracted to do it.crap.
i cannot look you in the eye cause i know im the cause of the immense pain you're going through. you should just forget and just go.
i can't stand it cause i think wayyy to much and it's not my fault that i think but i just think cause thats what people do, they think and it makes everything more complicated. which is btw, absolutely not good.okay, the sentence don't make sense.really.
i've been just hanging out. eating.going for tuition. trying( emphasising) to study or smth but im always distracted. one fine day, i shall lock myself in the room, away from the idiot box and the laptop.projects have been fucked up this semester and my papers are so fucking wordy. it just stinks.
mostly, i hate waking up cause ill feel distracted and lost. i hate waking up knowing that i know what's good for me but being unable to stand by it. i hate the rage going through my head. i hate the misunderstandings. i just hate knowing im weak enough to make decisions, to do something right now cause it'll only end up hurting. i hate decisions.i wanted to go back. but i can't go into something i want half-heartedly. i want to make it all better now. i want to give it my all, but that's just what i can't do.
whatever i've said and done to/for you, it was truly from the bottom. it was at that point of time. but now, everythings just so messed up. everything. it not fun to pretend anymore. now, all i got to do is starightened myself up, clean up the mess, pick up whatever's left and make the best out of it. like ibu said, im still young and i will be sure of what i want when im wiser.
and, its been one of the bestest feeling being around and there are so much we agree with. i feel myself when im with you. that comfortable feeling, well, just made things more complicated. and you're always so kind, so understanding although i know it does get to you.thanks for the love and encouragement. i love a laughing buddy. and as much as i'll regret saying this, i do think timmy's pretty attractive. im sure you'll agree.
adriana lima is a goddess.
*brownsugar* rant at